I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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