when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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