im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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