I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
