the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
