Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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