Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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