Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm like, not good at living.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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