I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
