I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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