called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize