false alarm. still invincible.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize