So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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