I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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