Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
