apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
