Where is the hickey?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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