People in love make me want to vomit
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
