i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
