Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
