I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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