hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
