well I can't set my house on fire every night
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
