i barfeds in our rink
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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