Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
