My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
