There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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