He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
