Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
