wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
