y did u give ur computer a hand job?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
