Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
