obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
