is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
