i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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