Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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