i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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