Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
