After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
