Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
