he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
false alarm, still single
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
