When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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