she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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