i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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