highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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