We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize