fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
