I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
