i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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