You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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