I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
