I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
