Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
