Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
