I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my shit smells like andre
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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