im six kinds of drunk right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
