Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
