ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
