everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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