I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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