My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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