so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I did not marry a roomba.
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