he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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