suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize