My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
