I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
