my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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