I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
