I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
