College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
