this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
