I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
