What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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