i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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