I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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