I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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