grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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