I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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