K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
