I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
