So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
