Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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