When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
