I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
