you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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