I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
