First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
