tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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