someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Randomize
