Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
