I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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