he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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