i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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