Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
