Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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