I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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