She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
