I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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